The biggest life change I’ve ever had…

Coping with a Breakup

 

This is by far the biggest life change I’ve had in the last 10 years… To be honest I have been stressed out of my mind about sharing this, not because I didn’t want to but more because I didn’t know-how. I didn’t know how to properly do justice to this new direction my life is taking. At first, I wanted to film a sit-down video, explaining everything vocally – but I knew if I did that I’d break down on camera. And really, this post is more for myself as I want to remember the emotions and details of it all. I want to read this in 2, 5, 10 years and realize how far I’ve come, but I don’t want to watch this and feel bad for myself. And pretty sure if I had filmed this, I would eventually feel bad watching it back. So blog post it is…about my recent breakup.

 

Most of you who have followed my journey for a while know that I’ve been in a relationship for the past decade. You also know that the last few years have been tough considering we had to do long distance, him having had to relocate to the other side of the world for work and family reasons. I stayed behind because I couldn’t imagine just dropping everything at the time. But we had firm plans to see each other as often as possible (which we did), and eventually, when things settled down we were going to find a new place/country and be together again.
Rewind to the end of 2018 when things started to go down. Nothing major really, but we just would spend less time talking to each other. We’d go a day or two without talking to each other (this never happened before). I think the distance finally got to us, and we learned to be without one another – it took us years to get there but we ended up in a place where you don’t really talk about your life anymore, don’t share everything, and our phone conversations went from hours to minutes.

The beginning of 2019 kept pushing us more apart, until April. Last time we talked. It kind of just happened, I don’t think neither of us expected our last conversation to be our last, but it was. After 10 years, you really know how the other person is thinking, and I think we both knew that if it wasn’t a clean break, it wouldn’t break at all. This was my first time going through a breakup since we got together when I was 18! I felt like no one had ever gone through this before, but obviously, that wasn’t the case. It took me 2 weeks to get out of bed, to start accepting everything. But to be honest, I am not good at accepting anything right away. When my grandmother passed away, I didn’t allow myself to think about it for months. I prefer giving my heart time to heal before I allow my mind to bring me to places that hurt, if that makes sense?

Anyways, after 2 weeks of feeling like my world had come crashing down around me, I managed the strength to tell my little brother. He is the person I am the closest to, and I knew that he’d have to be the first person I would tell. Let me tell you…. I never cried as much on the phone as I did when I had to say the words “we broke up”. Saying it made it real! It took me another 2 weeks to tell my other brother, and then my best friends. My parents were the last ones I told, I even waited until my mom came to visit to tell her – 3 MONTHS AFTER THE BREAKUP. Clearly, I need to work on my timing. But you know what? It allowed me to heal. It allowed me to talk about it without crying, and actually, I felt liberated. No one understands the toll a long-distance relationship takes on your life until you’re in one. It is mentally and emotionally HARD. It takes everything you have and more, and gives you little back. But even with all this, I believe long-distance relationships can work out. I believe as long as you stay on the same page, have the same goals, want the same things out of life, you can make it work. We just didn’t anymore. It is sad, but it is true. And I don’t regret ANYTHING. I told Michelle yesterday that if I had to do it again knowing it would end in a breakup, I would. I LOVED the last 10 years of my life. I loved him with everything I was, and he allowed me to become me. I will forever be thankful for that and for the life we had. The memories we made. The love we shared. It was so pure and so real, and I truly wish everyone gets to experience it once in their lives. 

So, one thing came after another, and I had to make another HUGE decision. Which actually wasn’t hard considering the circumstances. 
I am going home.

I’ve loved Canada with all my heart for the past 11 years. It has become my home, where I grew up and became the person I am today. It made me meet some of the best people in my life, and it gave me Tink!
But after 11 years, one broken relationship, and family reasons, I took the decision to move back to Belgium for a year. My people need me there, I have been gone for a third of my life and I want to be there for them. Honestly, I want to be able to call my mom on the phone and set lunch plans with her for the next day! I want to go to family barbecues, I want to be included in family photos! I want to spend time with my brothers who I have barely seen grow up and become men. I want to spend time with my high school friends who have been here for me for the last 15 years. I just want to be home for a bit. 
It might sound like it’s all sunshine and flowers, but it’s not. Because by going back, it means I am leaving here. Leaving friends that became family, leaving my apartment which I LOVE. Leaving the only place I know like the back of my hand. Many many many tears have been shed – and I am not someone who cries often. But once I make a decision I tend to stick with it and see it through, so I can’t say it will be easy but I can say I am so excited to see what’s coming up next this fall. Europe is where I come from, and I am going home.

I can’t wait to take you along through all of this, share every step of the way with you and show you the new life that’s starting for me!
PS: I am not going to re-read this post because it’s not the easiest thing to talk about. So if I made any mistake anywhere, if I didn’t explain myself correctly or anything like that please don’t judge me. Hopefully, you still understood what I am sharing 🙂
PPS: And if anyone is wondering, Tink is ABSOLUTELY coming with me!!

XXXbreakup | marie's bazaar | coping with a breakup | dating | relationships | dating advice

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8 Comments

  • Edlyn

    Hi Marie, just wanted to say I know exactly what you went through and going through. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years about 4 years ago and it was one of the hardest and most devastating time in my life. I’m basically like you it took me about a month and a half to even tell my friends about it, I get what you mean that you really needed time to collect your self and come to terms with it before really telling anyone without breaking or crying. What really help me was surrounding my self with my family and friends and my dog , they were the people that I pull strength from when I didn’t have any. So I think it’s wonderful that your taking time to go back and surrounding your self with your family it will to workers for you. I wish all the best of luck your such a beautiful human being and you deserve all the happiness.

    • Marie

      You are making my heart so happy, thank you for saying that! So sorry you went through something similar, but I’m sure it all happens for a reason. Good luck with everything!!!

  • Bev

    Love love your message and I think it was beautifully written. Your family will be so happy ti have to back and Tink too😘😘🐈❤️❤️❤️

    • Marie

      Thank you so much!!!!

  • Annie M

    Good luck with your new journey and Canada will miss you!
    I have never met you and only follow on Instagram, but I must say you look like a genuine person who is only looking for what we all are, pure happiness. I hope this move brings you nothing but happiness.

    safe travels!

    • Marie

      You are so sweet, thank you for saying that!

  • Catherine de Paeuw

    Superbe message ma chérie, je t’aime tant. Merci merci d’être ma fille, mon amour. Maman

    • Marie

      Je t’aime aussi Maman!